“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” Harriet Tubman


Saturday, July 9, 2011

My Hair

So, it has been about a month and 5 days since I did my "big chop" and got all of my relaxed hair cut off. I didn't really know how I was going to end up liking this. I was a little afraid at first and thought that I'd like it for a week and then freak out, realizing that I no longer had my shoulder-length hair. But none of the bad stuff I was thinking has happened. I feel great! Never in my adult life have I felt more beautiful and more confident than I do now. I feel more "real." I feel more connected to my roots and to my ancestors. I am back to having the hair that God blessed me with. Its mine. And when I meet people for the first time, they're meeting the real me. Not a bad replica. And I can look at them and say, this is my hair...its kinky, curly, and its me. No more hiding behind dangerous chemicals and wigs.
Now, on that note, let me say that I'm not knocking any woman who wears wigs or weaves or get relaxers. That is her decision. I'm just saying that those things were not really for me.



(My hair as a toddler)

Another great thing about the decision to cut all my hair off was that I am saving SO much time at everything. Getting ready for work in the morning is so quick and such a snap! I wish I realized in college that this was the way because there are so many classes that I would've never been late to or actually gone to. When I think about the person I was, I get a little sad because I was so vain and so immature. I would be 15 minutes late to class sometimes or just not go because my hair was "messed up" or I couldn't "do anything to it." I let my education suffer because of my hair. Not to mention after college at my first real job, ending up late because of messing with my hair or being so nervous that someone was talking about my hair. Hating my hair was the cause of a lot of the extreme shyness and anxiety that I went through in my college and early 20s. And its so ironic because that was the "relaxed" hair causing me that trouble. It was the "straight" and "good" hair that was giving me issues.


(Junior year in college : Relaxer w/ Drawstring Ponytail)

I thank God that I grew up and got mature and finally began to realize the things that matter in life. My hair is important to me, but it doesn't make me. I realize that it doesn't make me the person that I am and I need to love myself for who I truely am. Not what anyone wants me to be. So after months of thinking about it and scaring myself out of it, all these years later I got the big chop. I still have my hair inside of an envelope that the barber gave me. I figured I'd keep it to remember the days when my hair literally drove me crazy and then I'll look back and laugh at how silly I was. Yes, I was so silly. I was such a little girl. I feel like a woman now because I listened to myself and no one else when it came to this matter. The decision was mine and mine alone. Even when my mom said "hmmmm, I don't know." I told her that I loved her but I was doing it with or without her approval or blessing. After seeing how I look she loves it and tells me everyday how beautiful I am.


(My real hair down...It looks healthy but it wasn't)


Guys, you just don't understand how wonderful I feel. This is almost spiritual. I feel so strong because in the Black community most ladies go for longer, straighter hair. Short and kinky isn't usually the deal (there are however A LOT of sistas who choose to go natural) and I remember some of my peers being teased as children for having "nappy" hair. I hate to say that I probably said a nasty remark like that to someone before as a child or teenager. And when I think about how stupid and blind and childish I was, it hurts. There is nothing wrong with "nappy" kinky" or curly hair. Black hair is beautiful. I'm so glad that the fog blocking that realization was lifted from me.

(Me...June 2011...Happier Than Ever!!)

2 comments:

  1. I love the really short hair! It makes your face look extra stunning
    xx
    I LIKE IT FAST

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Gabrielle!! :) I'm in love with it!

    ReplyDelete